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Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It

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Have you ever wished your partner came with an instruction booklet? This international bestseller is the answer to all the things you've ever wondered about the opposite sex. For their controversial new book on the differences between the way men and women think and communicate, Barbara and Allan Pease spent three years traveling around the world, collecting the dramatic fi Have you ever wished your partner came with an instruction booklet? This international bestseller is the answer to all the things you've ever wondered about the opposite sex. For their controversial new book on the differences between the way men and women think and communicate, Barbara and Allan Pease spent three years traveling around the world, collecting the dramatic findings of new research on the brain, investigating evolutionary biology, analyzing psychologists, studying social changes, and annoying the locals. The result is a sometimes shocking, always illuminating, and frequently hilarious look at where the battle line is drawn between the sexes, why it was drawn, and how to cross it. Read this book and understand--at last!--why men never listen, why women can't read maps, and why learning each other's secrets means you'll never have to say sorry again.


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Have you ever wished your partner came with an instruction booklet? This international bestseller is the answer to all the things you've ever wondered about the opposite sex. For their controversial new book on the differences between the way men and women think and communicate, Barbara and Allan Pease spent three years traveling around the world, collecting the dramatic fi Have you ever wished your partner came with an instruction booklet? This international bestseller is the answer to all the things you've ever wondered about the opposite sex. For their controversial new book on the differences between the way men and women think and communicate, Barbara and Allan Pease spent three years traveling around the world, collecting the dramatic findings of new research on the brain, investigating evolutionary biology, analyzing psychologists, studying social changes, and annoying the locals. The result is a sometimes shocking, always illuminating, and frequently hilarious look at where the battle line is drawn between the sexes, why it was drawn, and how to cross it. Read this book and understand--at last!--why men never listen, why women can't read maps, and why learning each other's secrets means you'll never have to say sorry again.

30 review for Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It

  1. 4 out of 5

    Hosna

    I probably should not be reviewing this book now because I am going to sound like a raging bitch. However, I realized I would never be able to review this book with any amount of respect given its content. So, I might as well review it now. This book is full of “facts” of the modern day sexual clichés popularized by the media - Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. They are different. They THINK different, they ACT different and they WANT different things. Right. Now, there is nothing wrong w I probably should not be reviewing this book now because I am going to sound like a raging bitch. However, I realized I would never be able to review this book with any amount of respect given its content. So, I might as well review it now. This book is full of “facts” of the modern day sexual clichés popularized by the media - Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. They are different. They THINK different, they ACT different and they WANT different things. Right. Now, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that men and women are different, because they are. The problem is when these differences are justified as “natural” and “scientific,” something that both men and women have “biologically” inherited. It sounds almost like women are biologically incapable of reading maps, so deal with it. It takes no account of the social conditioning. It ignores the fact that our experiences are not individual and fixed, but social and processual. The book addresses this nature versus nurture debate in just a page and concludes that scientists have found out that “we are born with much of our brain software already in place.” There have been much debate about it and no firm conclusions have yet reached. Scientifically, the concept of “evolution” explains how living organisms adapt their body and behavior to fit the environment. This is of course influenced by our social conducts and what we define as socially acceptable. Even if we refuse to talk about evolution, there have been many studies that drew from past societies which show how men and women used to behave differently in those societies. For example, unlike present day, in ancient Greece it was considered acceptable (and natural) for young men to perform fellatio on older men. My point is that categories of social analysis do not transcend time and place. Our behavior, values and moralities depends much more on our social environment than it does on our biological inheritance. Since the writers are trained in neuroscience, one can probably forgive them for their thick-headed conclusions about the social environment. [Although, they themselves claim to be sociobiologists.] However, the writing style in this book is also not the least bit scientific. At one point they have concluded that “women with large breasts prefer men with small noses and men with large noses usually hang out with flat-chested women.” Actually, this is where I gave up. It reminded me of a recent study, which found that there is a positive correlation between countries’ chocolate consumption and the number of Nobel laureates. Moral of the story: CORRELATION DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL TO CAUSATION. I am not a relationship expert but I know my science and arts well. This book is a disgrace to both of the disciplines. Moreover, if your man’s penis has affected his hearing ability then the relationship is probably not worth it. You would be better off finding a man who does listen. Believe me, there are plenty of men who have learnt to listen like there are plenty of women who have learnt to read maps.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer

    I received it as a gift. I hated it! If I could give it zero stars I would. The husband and wife who wrote this book claim to be social scientists. Their style of writing is not in the least bit scientific. They do the reader the grand favor of presenting "facts" backed up by hard science and sifting through the information on gender differences so the reader doesn't have to. In my opinion, what they really did was start out with a theory and discard anything that didn't agree with it. Some of th I received it as a gift. I hated it! If I could give it zero stars I would. The husband and wife who wrote this book claim to be social scientists. Their style of writing is not in the least bit scientific. They do the reader the grand favor of presenting "facts" backed up by hard science and sifting through the information on gender differences so the reader doesn't have to. In my opinion, what they really did was start out with a theory and discard anything that didn't agree with it. Some of the physiological gender differences they refer to might actually be backed by scientific data. But the Peases fail to footnote any of the so-called facts with documentation of actual scientific publications or studies. And they also do the reader the great favor of telling him or her that if they disagree with their conclusions, it is only because the reader has been "victimized" by idealization. I don't think their conclusion that men and women are different is nearly as shocking as they think it is. In fact I agree that there are differences between the genders, and some of it is based on biology. However, the Peases discard theories of socialization to explain some gender differences and instead insist gender differences are mostly based on men and women evolving differently. And while they claim that they support women's rights to equality and working outside the home for equal compensation, they simultaneously advance the theory that relationships were happier when women got their self-esteem from providing a happy home for their hardworking husband and offspring. Their theory is pretty easy to challenge. After all if women were really so happy historically being homemakers, why would so many of them risked bliss on the homefront to join the workforce, fought for the right to vote, etc. I found this book as pandering to stereotypes and managing to insult both genders. Gender based humor shows up in a lot of entertainment. The reason I find it so angering in this book is that the Peases claim their information is all backed by science. And yet most of their conclusions are not backed by much data. They will do things like cite "a recent study" or throw out a statistic without actually giving any information about who performed the study, was it peer-reviewed, how was the study set up, etc. I also find it comical when they make claims that girls are mainly motivated by cooperation and you can't tell a leader in a group of women. It makes me question whether the Peases ever set foot in a grade school. I certainly recall there being a pecking order with the girls that was at least as clear, if not more defined than that of the boys.

  3. 4 out of 5

    David

    What a fun book! This book by the well-known authors Barbara and Allan Pease is controversial perhaps, but well-grounded in new research. Parts of the book are absolutely hilarious, but they all ring true. The basic hypothesis in this book is that the brains in men and women are organized differently. While morally, men and women are equal, they are not identical. The wiring of our brains and the effects of hormones determine how we think and behave. The corpus callosum, the bundle of nerves whi What a fun book! This book by the well-known authors Barbara and Allan Pease is controversial perhaps, but well-grounded in new research. Parts of the book are absolutely hilarious, but they all ring true. The basic hypothesis in this book is that the brains in men and women are organized differently. While morally, men and women are equal, they are not identical. The wiring of our brains and the effects of hormones determine how we think and behave. The corpus callosum, the bundle of nerves which connects the left and right sides of the brain, is thicker in women's brains, and handles perhaps 30% more inter-brain connections. In addition, some brain functions, like speech, are distributed between both sides of women's brains, but are isolated in one side of men's brains. As a result, a woman's brains handle speech better. Also, women can perform true multi-tasking and multi-tracking, while men find it difficult. The book is illustrated with numerous cartoons. While many of the cartoons are exaggerated, each one points out a truism about differences between the way men and women think. Men's brains have evolved to help men with their main job; catch lunch. As a result, their think is more focused, and they have better spatial reasoning abilities. This is especially true when a man's system is flush with testosterone. On the other hand, women's brains have evolved to aid their main job; to be nurturing. They are much better at communicating, and are better at multi-tasking. Women are also better at multi-tracking; keeping track of conversations about multiple topics simultaneously. One of the best aspects of this book, is that not only do the authors point out the differences between men and women, but a lot of very practical advice is given. Both men and women are given advice about how to make allowances for the opposite sex. You see, people have been instilled with the idea that men and women are identical, and people think that others think along the same lines as themselves. But this just isn't true. Men have big advantages (spatial thinking, problem solving) and women have big advantages (communications, observation and intuition), simply due to the wiring of brains. I highly recommend this book; it is so fun, and contains so many pearls of wisdom that ring true.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Jen

    In our modern society, it is not politically correct to assume that men and women are anything but equal, and equality is defined as exactly the same. Same desires, same goals, and same needs. Allan Pease and his wife Barbara write that this is anything but how it really is. Neither sex is superior to the other, but they assert we are unquestionably different. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, our brains have been wired for different priorities based upon thousands of years of unique In our modern society, it is not politically correct to assume that men and women are anything but equal, and equality is defined as exactly the same. Same desires, same goals, and same needs. Allan Pease and his wife Barbara write that this is anything but how it really is. Neither sex is superior to the other, but they assert we are unquestionably different. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, our brains have been wired for different priorities based upon thousands of years of unique responsibilities while ensuring the survival of the next generation. Pease cites empirical research along with illustrative anecdotes. While mostly focused on heterosexual relationships, it also devotes a wonderful chapter to the biological basis for homosexuality as a natural phenomenon. While many may find this work controversial, I bet anyone in a marriage or heterosexual LTR will have a hard time reading this book and not identifying with the male/female dynamics described. Once we can logically explain these differences as the result of hardwired neurological developments, we can lessen the pressure on ourselves and our partner and accept one another as we are. Also, reading this, it's critical to remember much of what is discussed is generalization and not indicative of every man and every woman. Even if it's not their natural proclivity, men can learn to listen and be more sensitive with the women. Likewise, a woman can better learn to enjoy the male tendency to interpret "romance" as doing something practical for her.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Hippo dari Hongkong

    wew, cepet juga ternyata bacanya. kurang dari sehari udah kelar. tanda2 kepulihan dan membaiknya napsu membaca kah? :D Men forget everything; women remember everything. Inti dari buku ini adalah... laki-laki dan perempuan itu beda! ya iya lah, nenek-nenek juga tau soal itu mah Secara keseluruhan bukuna lumayan menarik. buku ini mencoba mengurai perbedaan2 mendasar antara laki2 dan perempuan dari sudut ilmiah . kenapa laki2 suka begini? kenapa perempuan begini? seperti itulah. bacanya sambil cen wew, cepet juga ternyata bacanya. kurang dari sehari udah kelar. tanda2 kepulihan dan membaiknya napsu membaca kah? :D Men forget everything; women remember everything. Inti dari buku ini adalah... laki-laki dan perempuan itu beda! ya iya lah, nenek-nenek juga tau soal itu mah Secara keseluruhan bukuna lumayan menarik. buku ini mencoba mengurai perbedaan2 mendasar antara laki2 dan perempuan dari sudut ilmiah . kenapa laki2 suka begini? kenapa perempuan begini? seperti itulah. bacanya sambil cengar cengir sendiri sambil kadang2 bergumam "oh, iya yah" ato "oh, gitu yah" terutama pada pengungkapan fakta yang dirasa "kena". misalnya kenapa laki2 selalu kesulitan mencari benda kecil seperti kaos kaki ato baju dilemari. Ingetna kalo pagi2 bokap selalu treak2 nyari kaos kaki di tempat kaos kaki kalo mau tenis. Meskipun sudah ngaduk2 itu tempat kaos kaos kaki yang dicari tetep aja kaos kaki yang dicari gak ketemu. biasana disini emak suka "turun tangan". dalam hitungan detik biasana itu kaos kaki yang dicari langsung ketemu dan biasana emak langsung memberi "petuah".. "kalo nyari barang itu pake mata, jangan pake mulut." :D Dan banyak lagi hal2 seperti kenapa laki2 suka ngoprek remote, gengsi menanyakan arah dll. Dan masalah komunikasi antara laki2 dan perempuan yang sering menimbulkan "masalah" karena masing menginterpretasikannya secara berbeda. Yah tak heran jika ada yang mengatakan kalo laki2 itu berasal dari mars & perempuan dari venus, hehehehe. oke, ini ada beberapa jokes tentang miskomunikasi antara bahasa "mars" dan bahasa "venus" yang sering membawa "masalah". Ingat, just joke aja, jangan ditanggapi terlalu serius yah.. How the Fight Start I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started... My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station. And that's when the fight started... My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' So I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... Intinya, joke diatas itu mengungkapkan kekurangpekaan laki2 dalam berkomunikasi dengan perempuan :D satu lagi deh, merujuk kejudul awalnya "Why Men Don't Listen" ada joke lain tentang laki2 yang berusaha "mendengar" To Be 6 Again A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size." Moral dari cerita diatas: meskipun laki2 sudah berusaha mendengar tapi kadang2 tetap salah mengartikan apa yang didengarnya :D Jadi terlepas dari perbedaan2 tersebut, sayah tetap beranggapan: It's not true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus The truth is.. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. So, deal with it. We Can Work It Out The Beatles Try to see it my way, Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on? While you see it your way, Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone. We can work it out, We can work it out. Think of what you're saying. You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right. Think of what I'm saying, We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night. We can work it out, We can work it out. Life is very short, and there's no time For fussing and fighting, my friend. I have always thought that it's a crime, So I will ask you once again. Try to see it my way, Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. While you see it your way There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long. We can work it out, We can work it out. ------------------------------------- baru inget pas bongkar2 tas, ternyata beli buku ini pas pameran kmaren Perempuan menggunakan toilet sebagai tempat untuk bersosialisasi laki2 nggak, mereka pake toilet hanya bener2 untuk urusan "panggilan alam" sepertinya iya, kalo laki2 lagi di toilet mereka gak pernah saling bertegur sapa, pandangannya lurus kedepan gak pernah larak lirik :D seperti tercantum dalam "unofficial man code" yang salah satu poinnya *Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need. *If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. * You didn't see nothin'. :D segitu dulu ah

  6. 4 out of 5

    Jane Dee

    According to this book, I am "more likely" to be a lesbian because I have a masculine brain. This book also supports evolution but says that "Nature wants us to procreate and uses powerful drugs to do so." Yuh-huh, okay and what is "nature"? And why does it have wants? The advice in this book is stupid. The female author claims that she still has trouble finding her way home - yeah maybe because she is stupid not because she is female. None of the authors are psychologists or psychiatrists or ev According to this book, I am "more likely" to be a lesbian because I have a masculine brain. This book also supports evolution but says that "Nature wants us to procreate and uses powerful drugs to do so." Yuh-huh, okay and what is "nature"? And why does it have wants? The advice in this book is stupid. The female author claims that she still has trouble finding her way home - yeah maybe because she is stupid not because she is female. None of the authors are psychologists or psychiatrists or even sociologists. This book relys heavily on the caveman theory. I cant believe the kind of books that become #1 nowadays.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Temee Tapiheroe

    Well, because I am a woman, so I learned lot of things about men from this book. And I got so much explanations why sometimes women (like me) just couldn't understand men. Hahaha.. I think, men should read this book too. If they were reading this, good for them. With this book, men would much more understand us. Like my boyfriend, he finds so much familiar things (that happened between us) in this book, and he said : "I understand you better than before, cause this book gave me how-to-think-wome Well, because I am a woman, so I learned lot of things about men from this book. And I got so much explanations why sometimes women (like me) just couldn't understand men. Hahaha.. I think, men should read this book too. If they were reading this, good for them. With this book, men would much more understand us. Like my boyfriend, he finds so much familiar things (that happened between us) in this book, and he said : "I understand you better than before, cause this book gave me how-to-think-women-way." :)))

  8. 4 out of 5

    Mario the lone bookwolf (semi reviewing hiatus )

    An entertaining attempt to explain different but ever closer together worlds Please note that I put the original German text at the end of this review. Just if you might be interested. First of all, one should not expect a well-founded, too seriously realistic or even politically correct and from the gendering point perfect entertainment book, but should be prepared for a light and not very serious reading. Moreover, then it is a frivolously innocent and winking reading fun from the springs of tw An entertaining attempt to explain different but ever closer together worlds Please note that I put the original German text at the end of this review. Just if you might be interested. First of all, one should not expect a well-founded, too seriously realistic or even politically correct and from the gendering point perfect entertainment book, but should be prepared for a light and not very serious reading. Moreover, then it is a frivolously innocent and winking reading fun from the springs of two seminar sales professionals. All the clichés and stereotypes that are portrayed and illustrated with more or less severe studies and examples serve in addition to the provocation to achieve a polemical counter-reaction of militant groups, the noble ideal of better understanding between the sexes. Without paying much attention to scientific or psychological reasoning, things are presented as they are in many ways real. For prejudice and general publicity are not always based solely on evil slander and unjustified claims, but in this particular context often carry a few truckloads of granules of truth. The predestination for specific talents or shortcomings is not only the result of unforgivable and stupid lies from times before the wave of emancipation. It is a fact that gender-specific abilities, inclinations, likes, and behaviors exist, and as long as these are lived out in the context of equitable, peaceful coexistence, there is no need for echoing. Again and again amazing how easily by the not deliberate irritation of equality and feminist initiatives that can be carried away to increase the level of awareness of various publications, branding them as old-fashioned to sexist. This may well be justified in an appropriate context if it concerns misogynistic and primitive machinations. However, what precisely this, when looking at the title, cover, and caricatures should have done humoristic work, remains to be a mystery. Defining abuses and advocating democratic equality are lofty ideals, only with just such overreactions will the seriousness and credibility of entire activist groups be significantly reduced. The conscientious examination of the potential point of contention for legitimate factors of great excitement to anger should be done before it becomes glowing. Each person is allowed to represent their personality and opinion, but as soon as it comes to gender, the highest caution is required in the formulation. Hormones cause certain things in the body, for the consequences of which one would not be ashamed and just as little as their effect can be extinguished as tens of thousands of years of development to today's modern humans and set all the same. Diversity in combination with lived tolerance is just as desirable as equality. Moreover, as a basis serve the understanding and approach of the strange, difficult-to-understand worlds of life of the opposite sex, as the authors demonstrate entertaining. Furthermore, looking at one's love-joyous joy and, perhaps luckily, a little suffering, the option of laughing and not being so severe is probably the most sensible one given all the conflict-suffering and conflict potential in all forms of human partnership approaches. Moreover, anyone who does not find himself in any of the clichés he has portrayed has lingered on to the next level of human evolution. Alternatively, supposedly means to be there. Ein unterhaltsamer Versuch zur Erklärung verschiedener, aber immer näher zusammenrückender Welten Vorab darf man sich kein fundiertes, allzu realitätsnahes oder gar politisch und vom Genderingstandpunkt korrektes Unterhaltungssachbuch erwarten, sondern sollte sich auf eine leichte und nicht ganz ernst zu nehmende Lektüre einstellen. Und dann ist es ein frivol unbedarfter und augenzwinkernder Lesespaß aus den Federn zweier Seminarverkaufsprofis. All die Klischees und Stereotypen, die dargestellt und mit mehr oder minder seriösen Studien und Beispielen illustriert werden dienen, neben der Provokation zur Erreichung einer polemischen Gegenreaktion militanter Gruppierungen, dem hehren Ideal des besseren Verständnisses zwischen den Geschlechtern. Ohne Augenmerk auf allzu wissenschaftliche oder psychologische Fundiertheit zu legen, werden die Dinge dargelegt, wie sie in vielerlei Hinsicht wirklich sind. Denn Vorurteile und Allgemeinplätze beruhen nicht immer nur auf bösen Verleumdungen und ungerechtfertigten Behauptungen, sondern bergen in diesem speziellen Kontext häufig einige Lastwagenladungen mit Körnchen von Wahrheit. Die Prädestinierung für bestimmte Talente beziehungsweise Mankos ist nicht nur aus unverzeihlichen und dummen Lügen aus Zeiten vor der Emanzipationswelle entstanden. Es ist eine Tatsache, dass geschlechtsspezifische Talente, Neigungen, Vorlieben und Verhaltensmuster existieren und solange diese im Rahmen gleichberechtigter, friedlicher Koexistenz ausgelebt werden, besteht kein Anlass zur Echauffierung. Immer wieder erstaunlich, wie leicht sich durch die nicht wirklich vorsätzliche Reizung von Gleichberechtigungs- und Feministeninitiativen jene dazu hinreißen lassen, zur Steigerung des Bekanntheitsgrades diverser Publikationen, diese als altmodisch bis sexistisch zu brandmarken. Dies mag in einem passenden Zusammenhang durchaus berechtigt sein, wenn es sich um frauenfeindliche und primitive Machwerke handelt. Nur was genau dieses, bei Betrachtung von Titel, Einband und Karikaturen eindeutig humoristische Werk verbrochen haben soll, bleibt mir schleierhaft. Missstände aufzuzeigen und für demokratische Gleichberechtigung einzustehen sind hehre Ideale, nur mit genau solchen Überreaktionen wird die Seriosität und Glaubwürdigkeit ganzer Aktivistengruppen wesentlich gemindert. Die gewissenhafte Durchleuchtung des potentiellen Streitpunkts auf berechtigte Faktoren heftiger Erregung bis Wut sollte vor Aufglühen selbiger erfolgen. Es wird jedem Menschen zugestanden, eine eigene Persönlichkeit und Meinung zu vertreten, sobald es allerdings um das Geschlecht geht, ist höchste Vorsicht bei der Formulierung geboten. Hormone bewirken nun mal bestimmte Dinge im Körper, für deren Konsequenzen man sich eigentlich nicht zu schämen bräuchte und genauso wenig wie deren Wirkung kann man wie zig Jahrtausende andauernde Entwicklung zum heutigen modernen Menschen einfach auslöschen und alle auf gleich setzen. Diversität ist in Kombination mit gelebter Toleranz genauso erstrebenswert wie Gleichberechtigung. Und als Grundlage dienen das Verständnis und das Näherbringen der fremden, schwer nachvollziehbaren Lebenswelten des jeweils anderen Geschlechts, wie es die Autoren unterhaltsam demonstrieren. Und wenn man auf das eigene liebestechnische Freud und, vielleicht mit viel Glück, wenig Leid blickt, ist die Option es mit Lachen und nicht so ernst zu nehmen, angesichts all des Konflikts- Leids- und Streitpotentials in allen Spielarten menschlicher Partnerschaften vielleicht eine der vernünftigsten Herangehensweisen. Und wer sich in keinem der dargestellten Klischees selbst wiederfindet ist einsam auf die nächste Stufe der Evolution des Menschen weitergeklettert. Oder meint sich vermeintlich dort.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Pierre

    It looks like the comments on this book are two-fold: people who hated it or who loved it. Personally, I think it was OK but does not deserve all the fuss about it. Some parts of the book ring true, some others don't really and a small portion of it sounds like unjustified bold statements. However, what justifies my choice of a 1-star rating is the lack of serious data behind it. Overall, although the way of thinking in this book may be right and some of the advice is quite sound, I was expecting It looks like the comments on this book are two-fold: people who hated it or who loved it. Personally, I think it was OK but does not deserve all the fuss about it. Some parts of the book ring true, some others don't really and a small portion of it sounds like unjustified bold statements. However, what justifies my choice of a 1-star rating is the lack of serious data behind it. Overall, although the way of thinking in this book may be right and some of the advice is quite sound, I was expecting that each statement, each survey result shown in the book would be backed by accessible conclusions that would allow the reader to check by him/herself. As none of the arguments is linked to accessible results, as far as I am concerned, the author can raise any statement as truth without challenge. Some items are presented as logical by the arguments but with a bit of thoughts, you can quickly realise they do not add up at all. Funnily enough, reading this book helped me understand something totally different from its main topic: how some people can be made to believe anything if they do not challenge the author of the statements. By constantly hammering the same statements, even without any proven serious data, the authors can make credulous people believe in this statement. This is not called information, this is called brain-washing, fundamentalism or religion. No mater how true the conclusions may be, the method used to write this book is wrong and is the same as the one used by the advocates of creationism or the absence of human-caused global warming. As such, I would not recommend this book.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Hristian Trendafilov

    Overall this is a light read based on evolutionary psychology (almost only!!!) about how men and women differ. The good things: It's lighthearted and if i hadnt already been exposed to all of this, I would have been much more impressed. It's a nice read to get some facts about our species and how we differ. The bad things: It's just too much cherrypicking of selected arguments and no discussion whatsoever. The magic formula of everything coming from our genes or ancestors past is applied and voa Overall this is a light read based on evolutionary psychology (almost only!!!) about how men and women differ. The good things: It's lighthearted and if i hadnt already been exposed to all of this, I would have been much more impressed. It's a nice read to get some facts about our species and how we differ. The bad things: It's just too much cherrypicking of selected arguments and no discussion whatsoever. The magic formula of everything coming from our genes or ancestors past is applied and voala! - everything is explained. But this branch of biology and psychology (powerful as it is and me agreeing to it) is not the only explanation. Plus there are no studies cited, causation and correlation seem to be often mixed, or at least not discarded which is annoying. The writing style is a drab affair - it's not the most exciting thing you'll read, it's repetitive but better than most pop psychology books. So overall some "truths" - If a girl likes a guy, she talks to him - Women talk for the sake of talkig - Women want to be listened to because that is how they think and solve issues - Women are better at communicating, organizing and bringing social value; they like cooperation; building a family environment is fundamental for most - Men like hierarchy, want power and strength, they bring the "food" and value work. They need solitude when faced with issues. - Men are problem solvers and that's why they offer women advice which they actually dont need - Men dont like failing - Men dont like unwanted advice - Men want appreciation of their work, women want love - Men dont multitask but women do for some activities - Exercise to flush excess testosterone - Being gay depends on genes, gene expression, environmental triggers, whether the fetus received the right amount of hormones. A stressedmother increases her chances of having a gay son - Women want love and affection first then sex. Men the opposite - Women perceive orgasm as a bonus not a must - Friendship and values > everything else - Lust (physical attraction passion( emotional idealisation and attraction) and attachment (decision to be together) Passion lasts 3-12 months. You can recreate passion and lust with your partner afterwards.There are different hormones for each hence can be each with a diffr person (sleep with one but be committed to another) - Men distinguish bn sex and love but women dont - You can always feel sexy/unsexy about smb if you brainwash yourself - A partner is what you have after lust and passion go away. Hence you need common values and interests - Touch her gently but also grab her - Romantic triggers for women: Setting, food, flowers, dance/touch, chocolate - A guy will see a girl prettier if he likes her as a person. Not the same for girls - Men look for: Individuality(authenticity/sincerity), Brains, Good looks, Sense of humor - Women look for: Individuality(authenticity/sincerity), Sensitivity, Sense of humor, Brains, Good looks. -Women are arouses by: Romanticism, Commitment, Talking, Intimacy, Touch - Men: Nudity, lingerie, sexual diversity, how reachable the woman is. - Conclusion: It is prisoners dilemma: the common good is greater than individual but at the risk of vulnerability. Vulnerable- compromise - greater good.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Sebah Al-Ali

    لطيف. انتصفت به و لم أكمله، مادته شبيهة إلى حد كبير بالكتاب السابق الذي قرأتها للكاتبين. لكن هذا الكتاب موجه نحو الحقائق الحيوية و الدماغية التي تشكل هذه الاختلافات. -- اقتبست: "Men and women are different. Not better or worse - just different." "Those who resist the idea that our biology affects our behaviour often do so with the best of intentions - they oppose sexism. But they are confused about the difference between equal and identical which are two completely different issues." (italics in o لطيف. انتصفت به و لم أكمله، مادته شبيهة إلى حد كبير بالكتاب السابق الذي قرأتها للكاتبين. لكن هذا الكتاب موجه نحو الحقائق الحيوية و الدماغية التي تشكل هذه الاختلافات. -- اقتبست: "Men and women are different. Not better or worse - just different." "Those who resist the idea that our biology affects our behaviour often do so with the best of intentions - they oppose sexism. But they are confused about the difference between equal and identical which are two completely different issues." (italics in original) "'women's intuition' is mostly a woman's acute ability to notice small details and changes in the appearance or behaviour of others." "Professor Ruben Gur of the University of Pennsylvania used brain scan tests to show that when a man's brain is in a resting state, at least 70% of its electrical activity is shut down. Scans of women's brains showed 90% activity during the same state, confirming that women are constantly receiving and analysing information from their environment." "The X chromosome provides these colour cells. Women have two X chromosomes which gives them a greater variety of cones than men"

  12. 5 out of 5

    Marzena

    There is a reason why popular science books shouldn't be taken absolutely seriously, but with this book, one should have eyes permanently closed. While the book is quite old, so it's obvious some parts wouldn't be up-to date, I see no reason why a reader should be served the same things over and over again. The authors mastered the art of repeating themselves in all different words. It's like being served the same dish every single time we go out to eat and to make it worse the dish is always dif There is a reason why popular science books shouldn't be taken absolutely seriously, but with this book, one should have eyes permanently closed. While the book is quite old, so it's obvious some parts wouldn't be up-to date, I see no reason why a reader should be served the same things over and over again. The authors mastered the art of repeating themselves in all different words. It's like being served the same dish every single time we go out to eat and to make it worse the dish is always different than the one we ordered. The part that made me cringe was the chapter describing the genesis of homosexuality. Dear authors, you do not have power or enough education to be all smartass about differences in karyotypes of gays and no, you can't write about a specific gene that makes people go gay. There was a part where you basically stated it to be a disease and I wanted to rip the book apart. The book might be old, but being an ignorant douche isn't tolerable at any time. Authors multiple times emphasised to be focused on biological differences and how political corectness isn't welcome in the book. Well, science facts aren't about general spreading and bonding stupid stereotypes. It's really nice that the whole text is served with a dose of humour, surely to make the reading tolerable but still, the book is a very good argument why science, even popular science books should be written by actual scientists and not layman who happen to be sociobiologists.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Katja

    I don't know if reading about 20 pages of a book before throwing it across the room counts as "reading" it, but I just couldn't do any more. As a psychologist, my bullshit radar was off the charts from page 1. It's clear that the writers are more concerned about hyperbole, gross generalisation and oversimplification than facts and complexities. for instance, they list a bunch of differences between men and women, and conclude that it's all due to biological differences (no matter that we have kn I don't know if reading about 20 pages of a book before throwing it across the room counts as "reading" it, but I just couldn't do any more. As a psychologist, my bullshit radar was off the charts from page 1. It's clear that the writers are more concerned about hyperbole, gross generalisation and oversimplification than facts and complexities. for instance, they list a bunch of differences between men and women, and conclude that it's all due to biological differences (no matter that we have known for a while that human behaviour is roughly 50% nature and 50% nurture, but two dimensions were obviously one too many for the Peases). These are just a few reasons this abomination is not worth anyone's time, but I'm sure you could find plenty more if you had the stomach to wade through the whole thing. No stars. Not even a tiny one.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Fahim

    This book is very useful. It is a must for every person to read this book in order to learn about differences between men and women. This book talks about different tastes between men and women in cloths, social activities and other things. The author shares real life and practical examples that you can see in yourself and your partner in everyday life. There are explanations about men/women differences that if you take them into account you can learn a lot about your partner and improve your re This book is very useful. It is a must for every person to read this book in order to learn about differences between men and women. This book talks about different tastes between men and women in cloths, social activities and other things. The author shares real life and practical examples that you can see in yourself and your partner in everyday life. There are explanations about men/women differences that if you take them into account you can learn a lot about your partner and improve your relationship. At the begging of each chapter the authors present some cartoons and funny quotes that make the beginning of each chapter interesting and inspires you to start the chapter.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Kathryn

    I cannot adequately express (at least, not without swearing my head off) how much I loathe this genre of books which claim that all men are this and all women are that. Patronising, offensive, stupid BS.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Nicole G.

    Ugh, where to begin with this one? The title was sexist, but I hoped it was ironic. It's not. Men and women are different. Did you know this? Women talk too much and men don't show their feeling. It's all biological. Let's name-drop some studies to back it up, but not give footnotes to actual papers or studies should the reader wish to investigate further. The authors are supposedly for equal treatment of the sexes, but they certainly like to constantly reference that life was so much easier whe Ugh, where to begin with this one? The title was sexist, but I hoped it was ironic. It's not. Men and women are different. Did you know this? Women talk too much and men don't show their feeling. It's all biological. Let's name-drop some studies to back it up, but not give footnotes to actual papers or studies should the reader wish to investigate further. The authors are supposedly for equal treatment of the sexes, but they certainly like to constantly reference that life was so much easier when we just accepted our roles as given. I wanted to slam this against the wall a few times, but refrained, as it's a library book. And if you're curious, that is the only way I would suggest reading it. Don't waste your money on this drivel.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Ardyth

    This was a gift from a family member, ostensibly to help me navigate marriage successfully (though I rather suspect "traditionally" is a better word). I'd hoped at least for some new/interesting science, but this was not to be. The book merely recycles cliches ("men aren't designed to multitask" sort of thing). Sure it's no shock for you that my advice is to save your time and money...unless your relationship is really falling apart. In which case, maybe you've forgotten some of the obvious point This was a gift from a family member, ostensibly to help me navigate marriage successfully (though I rather suspect "traditionally" is a better word). I'd hoped at least for some new/interesting science, but this was not to be. The book merely recycles cliches ("men aren't designed to multitask" sort of thing). Sure it's no shock for you that my advice is to save your time and money...unless your relationship is really falling apart. In which case, maybe you've forgotten some of the obvious points & it's worth a scan...but get it from the library.

  18. 4 out of 5

    gabrielle

    Well...I'm about halfway through this and honestly, I'm struggling to continue. Can you say "Confirmation bias", kids? I thought so. Outdated data (even though this is a fairly recent book), strikingly broad over-generalizations, and a condescending tone have led me to create a "mansplaining" shelf. We'll see if I can make it through. ... Nope, couldn't handle it.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Maria

    I am sorry for saying this but I could not get past the first pages because I thought that this books is so stupid. I hate it as much as I hated "Eat, pray, love."

  20. 5 out of 5

    Majavrisidivu

    One star minus for the cringy, boomer comics and jokes, which were interlacing the whole book and for a couple of info, by which I'm not so sure, if they were even true. However the book is 22 years old, so whatever, just check on these. Other star for weird stereotypes, which hasn't been true for a long time. I hate getting a bunch of cut flowers and I love to orientate and travel by a map and I know, that this book was about an average man and woman, but even this I hate stereotyping and label One star minus for the cringy, boomer comics and jokes, which were interlacing the whole book and for a couple of info, by which I'm not so sure, if they were even true. However the book is 22 years old, so whatever, just check on these. Other star for weird stereotypes, which hasn't been true for a long time. I hate getting a bunch of cut flowers and I love to orientate and travel by a map and I know, that this book was about an average man and woman, but even this I hate stereotyping and labeling people. It's been 22 years and I believe that even if we are nor man or woman, we are still an individual souls, which doesn't fit into these boxes anymore. Anyway, beside that I learned a couple of interesting things and even if some of them weren't so pleasurable to read, I now understand these differencies much more than before. So, yeah, a good book, but please be careful with it and check on those information.

  21. 4 out of 5

    biblio_mom (Aiza)

    I love the writing style that is full of humor used by the authors. The first 200 pages is the best and the rest is kinda boring for me. But this is the book worth reading. It makes sense.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Tom

    This book is full of contradictions, stereotypes and pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo weaved skillfully into a few basic scientific facts to make an impression of real science and professionalism. Second thing, it's so strongly arguing that women are better at everything, that one cannot help but think, that it was in the most part written by the female author (and not by her husband) and that she must have some sort of inferiority complex. Honestly, I was hoping for some real "revelations", as lou This book is full of contradictions, stereotypes and pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo weaved skillfully into a few basic scientific facts to make an impression of real science and professionalism. Second thing, it's so strongly arguing that women are better at everything, that one cannot help but think, that it was in the most part written by the female author (and not by her husband) and that she must have some sort of inferiority complex. Honestly, I was hoping for some real "revelations", as loudly claimed by the authors, but didn't learn anything useful from this book and the "scientific" bollocks it is packed with.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Monica Matthews

    Sure, let's provide more fodder for why men are excused from being decent listeners and why women are presumed to be worse at the sciences and apparently also spatial reasoning than men. Yeah that's great. Why was this book recommended for twenty-something women? It's degrading and damaging to the feminist movement, both for men and women. This book is listed often alongside Nora Ephron, Lena Dunham and Amy Poehler's books, which is a disgrace to those amazing women/writers.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Michal Jan Warecki

    The book is more of a guide of "how to live with men" than highlight differences between the genders in a useful manner. In an attempt to be funny, the authors repeat ad infinitum some stereotypical anecdotes about how the genders are different. Unfortunately, it's rather irritating than funny. I did not finish the book (got to right past 1/3rd) as I did not really find the first chapters of it useful. No footnotes at all did not make the science referred in the book seem less dubious.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Sarah Potter

    This is a most illuminating, fascinating, and potentially life-changing read. I only wish this book had been available when I was young, so I could have been more patient with people generally, whichever sex they were. I'd no idea how at the mercy of hormones we all are, even before we're born.According to this book, male and female brains are wired up so differently that it's amazing that the two sexes get on as well as they do. There's a must-do quiz that measures on a scale how male or female This is a most illuminating, fascinating, and potentially life-changing read. I only wish this book had been available when I was young, so I could have been more patient with people generally, whichever sex they were. I'd no idea how at the mercy of hormones we all are, even before we're born.According to this book, male and female brains are wired up so differently that it's amazing that the two sexes get on as well as they do. There's a must-do quiz that measures on a scale how male or female you are. I was only 10 marks from the middle grey-area, which meant that my chances of get along with those of the opposite sex as friends was greatly increased! Two words of warning: Some feminists might find the book hard to stomach, even though it appears to be based on actual science; albeit most amusingly presented. Some reader might be forced to let go of some entrenched prejudices about people's sexuality. And one last note for the writers amongst us -- the book is a wonderful source of material for constructing gender-authentic characters, especially if you're going to write from the viewpoint of someone of the opposite sex to yourself.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Mjaballah

    I read this book a long time ago, however I remember the style of writing being very entertaining and informative. Although it's written by a male author, he confirms the theory by drawing numerous examples from his wife, family and friends. Just and FYI, he has published numerous books in the past with his wife, including their most successful book "The Definitive Book of Body Language". The book covers numerous topics, from social interests and spacial capabilities to love and marriage. But per I read this book a long time ago, however I remember the style of writing being very entertaining and informative. Although it's written by a male author, he confirms the theory by drawing numerous examples from his wife, family and friends. Just and FYI, he has published numerous books in the past with his wife, including their most successful book "The Definitive Book of Body Language". The book covers numerous topics, from social interests and spacial capabilities to love and marriage. But perhaps most important here is that he basis his analysis on research, however, he only explicitly points out the source of such observations in a few occasions. Nonetheless he lays his arguments utilizing strong premises and sound logical flow. Having also read John Grey's "men are from mars women are from venus", albeit not cover to cover, this book was not only less repetitive and covered larger areas of conflict and agreement between the sexes, but it was by far much more entertaining to read.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Ajay

    One of the best ever books about the incredible creatures in the earth. Men and women and their relationship is a much sorted debate over years and it is an never ending saga. The authors Allan and Barbara , have lucidly presented their research in a much readable format. I personally felt like reading a comic as the natures truth was re invented in about almost all the pages of the book.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Michelle

    Can't we all just get along?! Nope. We, men and women, are wired differently from birth and trying to pretend that we are "equal" only widens the chasm between the sexes. We are different. Not better or worse, just different. The sooner we understand this, the more effectively we will be able to communicate and have healthy relationships.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Nadine

    Easy to read book with some funny bits, and some interesting information. Though I disagreed with many of their points while analyzing my own marriage, it is still mostly an ok read; prepare for many cliches and eye rolls. I did find it incredibly repetitive; two paragraphs were nearly identical and spaced apart by five pages, which was pretty redundant.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Meutia

    many people like this book.. but i don't really like it. I felt it contains too much sexist stereotypes. Admittedly i learned something from the book, but i just help feeling that this book is sold based on sexist biases.

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